I am back b*tches!!!

This is going to hurt. It pains me keystroke after keystroke. The two things I hate, more than Octomom and the abomination called Kate plus 8, are reading and writing. Hey, maybe I just hate the number 8. Anyhow, for all 3 of my loyal readers, prepare to get some!

I will be a statistic one day

My brother was upset. I asked what was bothering him. He said he had a dream that I had died in a horrible car accident. I told him "shit Bro, statistics show that one out of every one human will die in their lifetime." This obviously did not help him much. I continued by saying "Bro, imagine if I were Hindu, my epitaph would read 'Oh No Not Again!'" But I am not Hindu so I think I will stick with "Still 100% Accurate."

More Hair Stories

Neither parent has a dominant gene when it comes to the appearance of thy child. My daughter's mom looks, some say, Polynesian. I look, depending where I am at, Chamorro. When I was in the East Coast people thought I was I a mixture of Filipino, Mexican-Cuban-Vietnamese, with a hue of Spanish from Spain (which I abhor. I’ll save this for another post. No offense Sister Milagro.). Actually if I were a dog, which some say I am, I would be pure breed boonie. Just a note, I have Chamorro, Palauan, Japanese, Filipino, and Spanish ancestry.

My son, according to my sister, looks Tahitian. My eldest daughter looks like, by her account, a terrorist (I’ll save this for another post). My middle child insists she looks just like her Nino. “You look like…WTF?”

Apparently she inherited Japanese traits. She does not look like either of her parents. Although I am convinced her mom really is her mom. I mean, I saw her evacuate from her mom’s vaginal cavity with my own three eyes.

Her Nino is, well, a cross between a Yakuza and that dude that works at Himawari. The funny thing is that my daughter is oblivious to the raised eye-brows she creates, the scandal.

Her mother loves Himawari and I am paranoid. So I got hair samples just in case.

Ah, the Forces of Nature.

In nature, there are several fundamental forces. Examples are strong forces that hold particles together, electromagnetic force, gravity, etc. But there is one fundamental force that is rarely, if ever, mentioned. I call it, PHAS force. PHAS force is the strong bond between pubic hair and soap. The affinity of PH to soap is quite remarkable. I waste so much water trying to wash off rogue ph from soap since I refuse to scratch them off. I have been graced with such great consideration for others, therefore I wash it off. If i had it my way, I would have hirsute soap that look like a black, headless puppy with no arms and legs.

Flagellum

I try avoiding political and religious topics. Not today. There are folks who believe in natural selection, others prefer intelligent design. Some are convinced the Universe and everything in it was created in 6 days. I want to know about your God(s) or your feelings about it/he/she/etc.

Romeo and Juliet

I don't think anyone wants to hear stories of my children but...
Last weekend my 7 y.o. daughter asked me about a science subject.
So I asked her "Do you know what a molecule is?"
She replied "No, but it sounds like those families!"
I had a confused look on my face.
I replied "What the, what family?"
She answered "The Molecules and the Catholics!"
Kids say the darnedest things.

Just in case...

...my 3+ loyal readers are wondering why I have not posted anything, I am OK! settled.

• I do not think I have a procrastination relapse.
• I do not feel the need to share.
• I am not sure if I am retreating back into my shell.
• I am not sure if I need to clear the attic.
  
• I am sure however that I feel 100x better now than I did a few months ago.
• Thanks, all three plus of you, for participating.
• Happy Holidays.
• Wait, I still owe Bon and Rei beer tokens! How will we coordinate this. Arg!
  

Happy Birthday Grassy!!!

A manuscript of an actual sober debate, regrettably.

Is there such a mechanism in humans that suppresses “good”? Is it a defense mechanism? Is it a mechanism as a result of natural selection? Does this mechanism exist?

Defense mechanism:

We temper our “good” because of adverse experience.

-Maybe

Natural Selection Mechanism:

Being is “good” is bad for the proliferation of humans therefore really “good” humans are rare.

-IDK

Nonexistent Said Mechanism:

Good and bad coexist or may not exist at all, and everything that we think is real actually does not exist. Lastly, we think we exist but only relative to a fabricated reality.

-What do you think?

Am I high? Regrettably, no.

Stupid Monday Game is back!

Reina wins again! Why? I really don't know why other than her comment is logically taxing. This week's song is: "Maneater" by Hall and Oates. Calm down grassy.

please don't read this!

• I play guitar.
• Big deal.
• It is my hobby.
• I can play technically advance guitar licks.
• But (F-bomb) Guitar Hero is HARD!
• Not unless you are a 7 year old.
• Damn you to the depths of hell Guitar Hero, damn you!!!
  

"The Happy Sad Face" Episode 3

"The Happy Sad Face" Episode 2

Stupid Monday Game Bonus!

The best caption wins a VFW (brace yourself Grassy) premium drink token. Look at the cartoon below, substitute my response to Grassy's tallness with yours. GL!

OK. Grassy is cool with the SMG bonus. She earns an automatic VFW token of her choice. What a great sport! Damn I am broke.

Week 4's Stupid Monday Game!

Week 3's winner: Boni, for her comment "True makes me want to put an evening gown on, sit on the skylight of a convertible with a glass of champagne and ride with the wind. This IS the sound of my soul!!"

Boni wins 2 VFW domestic beer token. That's right 2 because I said so!

This week's song is "Little Red Corvette" by Prince. You know the drill!

Me and Grassy

Week 3's Stupid Monday Game!

Last week's winner: Reina, for her comment "i have no memories of having heard this song, therefore, it doesnt remind me of anything...except another moment in my life that i was trying forgot but remember." I chose this one because reading it was like being punched in the hippocampus. Cyclical thought processes? Maybe. I akin it to verbal jiu jitsu. Thanks for the memories Reina!

This week's song is "True" by Spandau Ballet. This should be interesting. The winner will receive 1 VFW domestic beer token.

Bad news flash! It looks like I had a relapse. I know it is Tuesday. I will look in the manual to see if holidays are exempted from The Stupid Monday Game.

Recovery Meter (Off the Charts)

I delivered a database I created for my colleague 120 hours in advance. WTF is happening to me?

FYI! A Mesa/Boogie Nomad 45 is a Guitar Amplifier.

My Mesa/Boogie Nomad 45 came with a 40 page manual. In the manual, you can find technical specifications such as, number of tubes, sound settings, how not to get killed by way of electric shock, etc. My daughter TK came with none. I only know bare minimum specs such as, age 7, female, loves to hug and kiss, has me wrapped around her little pinky. Earlier this week she was complaining of poor eyesight. So, I brought her to the eye clinic, she received strange eye tests, got her eyes dilated (dilated pupils look cool BTW), then she was prescribed glasses (yes, in that order). The result? She is blind as a bat. Now I have to find someone who can teach her echolocation.

It had to take her less than ideal eyesight to make me realize that humans need to come with a manual as well. You see, I can crank out some killer tones with my mesa but I really suck at picking up adverse physiological cues of my very own child.

So in closing, next time humans have sex, there should be a manual that says something like “Penis may enter, but read page 1046 before ejaculating.”

Stupid Monday Game!

Last week's winner: Grassy wins a (meaning 1) VFW domestic beer token for her comment "this song reminds me of 5 minutes ago when i said "screw u man!" to the recovering procrastinator...." only because she followed the directions! Thank you all for playing!

Today's song is Stevland Hardaway Morris's (AKA Stevie Wonder) "Sir Duke"! PLEASE COMMENT ON WHAT THE SONG REMINDS YOU OF. The winner will receive yet another VFW domestic beer token.