The Recovering Procrastinator

I am back b*tches!!!

2011-01-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

This is going to hurt. It pains me keystroke after keystroke. The two things I hate, more than Octomom and the abomination called Kate plus 8, are reading and writing. Hey, maybe I just hate the number 8. Anyhow, for all 3 of my loyal readers, prepare to get some!

I will be a statistic one day

2009-08-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

My brother was upset. I asked what was bothering him. He said he had a dream that I had died in a horrible car accident. I told him "shit Bro, statistics show that one out of every one human will die in their lifetime." This obviously did not help him much. I continued by saying "Bro, imagine if I were Hindu, my epitaph would read 'Oh No Not Again!'" But I am not Hindu so I think I will stick with "Still 100% Accurate."

Ah, the Forces of Nature.

2009-01-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

In nature, there are several fundamental forces. Examples are strong forces that hold particles together, electromagnetic force, gravity, etc. But there is one fundamental force that is rarely, if ever, mentioned. I call it, PHAS force. PHAS force is the strong bond between pubic hair and soap. The affinity of PH to soap is quite remarkable. I waste so much water trying to wash off rogue ph from soap since I refuse to scratch them off. I have been graced with such great consideration for others, therefore I wash it off. If i had it my way, I would have hirsute soap that look like a black, headless puppy with no arms and legs.

Flagellum

2009-01-25T14:35:00.000-08:00

I try avoiding political and religious topics. Not today. There are folks who believe in natural selection, others prefer intelligent design. Some are convinced the Universe and everything in it was created in 6 days. I want to know about your God(s) or your feelings about it/he/she/etc.

Romeo and Juliet

2009-01-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

I don't think anyone wants to hear stories of my children but...
Last weekend my 7 y.o. daughter asked me about a science subject.
So I asked her "Do you know what a molecule is?"
She replied "No, but it sounds like those families!"
I had a confused look on my face.
I replied "What the, what family?"
She answered "The Molecules and the Catholics!"
Kids say the darnedest things.

Just in case...

2008-12-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

...my 3+ loyal readers are wondering why I have not posted anything, I am OK! settled.

I do not think I have a procrastination relapse.
I do not feel the need to share.
I am not sure if I am retreating back into my shell.
I am not sure if I need to clear the attic.
I am sure however that I feel 100x better now than I did a few months ago.
Thanks, all three plus of you, for participating.
Happy Holidays.
Wait, I still owe Bon and Rei beer tokens! How will we coordinate this. Arg!

Happy Birthday Grassy!!!

2008-11-19T17:39:00.001-08:00

A manuscript of an actual sober debate, regrettably.

2008-11-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

Is there such a mechanism in humans that suppresses “good”? Is it a defense mechanism? Is it a mechanism as a result of natural selection? Does this mechanism exist?

Defense mechanism:

We temper our “good” because of adverse experience.

-Maybe

Natural Selection Mechanism:

Being is “good” is bad for the proliferation of humans therefore really “good” humans are rare.

-IDK

Nonexistent Said Mechanism:

Good and bad coexist or may not exist at all, and everything that we think is real actually does not exist. Lastly, we think we exist but only relative to a fabricated reality.

-What do you think?

Am I high? Regrettably, no.

Stupid Monday Game is back!

2008-11-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

Reina wins again! Why? I really don't know why other than her comment is logically taxing. This week's song is: "Maneater" by Hall and Oates. Calm down grassy.

please don't read this!

2008-11-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

I play guitar.
Big deal.
It is my hobby.
I can play technically advance guitar licks.
But (F-bomb) Guitar Hero is HARD!
Not unless you are a 7 year old.
Damn you to the depths of hell Guitar Hero, damn you!!!

"The Happy Sad Face" Episode 3

2008-10-27T20:50:00.001-07:00

"The Happy Sad Face" Episode 2

2008-10-23T23:46:00.001-07:00

Stupid Monday Game Bonus!

2008-10-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

The best caption wins a VFW (brace yourself Grassy) premium drink token. Look at the cartoon below, substitute my response to Grassy's tallness with yours. GL!

OK. Grassy is cool with the SMG bonus. She earns an automatic VFW token of her choice. What a great sport! Damn I am broke.

Week 4's Stupid Monday Game!

2008-10-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Week 3's winner: Boni, for her comment "True makes me want to put an evening gown on, sit on the skylight of a convertible with a glass of champagne and ride with the wind. This IS the sound of my soul!!"

Boni wins 2 VFW domestic beer token. That's right 2 because I said so!

This week's song is "Little Red Corvette" by Prince. You know the drill!

Me and Grassy

2008-10-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Week 3's Stupid Monday Game!

2008-10-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Last week's winner: Reina, for her comment "i have no memories of having heard this song, therefore, it doesnt remind me of anything...except another moment in my life that i was trying forgot but remember." I chose this one because reading it was like being punched in the hippocampus. Cyclical thought processes? Maybe. I akin it to verbal jiu jitsu. Thanks for the memories Reina!

This week's song is "True" by Spandau Ballet. This should be interesting. The winner will receive 1 VFW domestic beer token.

Bad news flash! It looks like I had a relapse. I know it is Tuesday. I will look in the manual to see if holidays are exempted from The Stupid Monday Game.

Recovery Meter (Off the Charts)

2008-10-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

I delivered a database I created for my colleague 120 hours in advance. WTF is happening to me?

FYI! A Mesa/Boogie Nomad 45 is a Guitar Amplifier.

2008-10-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

My Mesa/Boogie Nomad 45 came with a 40 page manual. In the manual, you can find technical specifications such as, number of tubes, sound settings, how not to get killed by way of electric shock, etc. My daughter TK came with none. I only know bare minimum specs such as, age 7, female, loves to hug and kiss, has me wrapped around her little pinky. Earlier this week she was complaining of poor eyesight. So, I brought her to the eye clinic, she received strange eye tests, got her eyes dilated (dilated pupils look cool BTW), then she was prescribed glasses (yes, in that order). The result? She is blind as a bat. Now I have to find someone who can teach her echolocation.

It had to take her less than ideal eyesight to make me realize that humans need to come with a manual as well. You see, I can crank out some killer tones with my mesa but I really suck at picking up adverse physiological cues of my very own child.

So in closing, next time humans have sex, there should be a manual that says something like “Penis may enter, but read page 1046 before ejaculating.”

Stupid Monday Game!

2008-10-05T23:02:00.000-07:00

Last week's winner: Grassy wins a (meaning 1) VFW domestic beer token for her comment "this song reminds me of 5 minutes ago when i said "screw u man!" to the recovering procrastinator...." only because she followed the directions! Thank you all for playing!

Today's song is Stevland Hardaway Morris's (AKA Stevie Wonder) "Sir Duke"! PLEASE COMMENT ON WHAT THE SONG REMINDS YOU OF. The winner will receive yet another VFW domestic beer token.

"God" Particle

2008-10-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

This post is probably 4 out of 5 stars on the Dork Scale, but I am bummed that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is down for another 2 months (yes grassy, I am aware this is old news). Since a common theme of this blog is timing, I feel it is relevant to inform my 3 or so readers about this. My friend Eric called me last week to tell me about the news. He sounded very disappointed. I was shocked and confused because I could not determine what was more ridiculous, Eric calling me or that he cared about the LHC. I guess we all have to wait a couple more months before experiments to find (or not) the "God" particle get into full swing. It is kind of funny that an experiment dealing with subatomic particles is such a BIG deal! I need Xanax.

Tales from the Crypt

2008-09-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

I received an email alert that Lane Kiffin got fired. I am not sure if this is good or bad news for Raiders fans. I don't give a rat's ass's pimple. Most Raiders fans are loyal. Some follow because of the silver and black. It is funny how some guys have Raiders shit but don't even know who the hell All Davis is!!! Well this post is for you.

Disclaimer: I am a Vikings fan.

BEFORE

AFTER

To me, Al Davis is the Keith Richards of sports. He will out live us ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAS

2008-09-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

GAS: Gear Acquisition Syndrome

Definition: “…a common disease found particularly among, but not limited to, guitar players. A loose definition of GAS would be the obsessive and irrational horse trading or purchasing of musical related equipment.” - Brett Ratner

I have been recently diagnosed with GAS or GAD.

After a battery of tests it was determined that my GAS started in 1996.

I scored an 8 on a GAS self test. (See where you stand, click on the link http://www.harmony-central.com/Guitar/Articles/Avoiding_GAS/GAS-Self-Test.html)

For the ailing spouse or partner whose loved one has been afflicted with GAS, you may find this article helpful. http://www.harmony-central.com/Guitar/Articles/Avoiding_GAS/

Here she is, my latest GAS attack. Her name is Margaux. Why? Well she comes in a wine finish and Chateau Margaux has killer wine(s). Don’t ask!

Right!

FYI

2008-09-30T01:17:00.000-07:00

I submitted my life insurance documents at 4 pm today. That is 1 hour and 30 minutes before the deadline. I am cured!!! The greatest lesson I learned from that experience...redundancy!!! I believe I wrote my name, address, and other guano 5x. You should have seen the look on my face when I saw the lone triplicate form. I was waiting for that "70's show" guy (the one dating the cougar) to pop out of nowhere yelling "PUNK'D".

Every monday (I know, I know) I will post a song title and the artist. Comment what the song reminds you of. Technical comments will be eliminated!

2008-09-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Today's song is "Crazy Love" by Poco.

Please no comments such as it is in F#Maj 13 Sus 5th to the 14th power 4/4 blah blah blah. TY!

The best comment wins a VFW domestic beer token! Well look at this this way, based on the number of my "regulars", you have a 1 in 3 chance of winning!!!

Attention to detail! The winner will be chosen before the next posted song. Thanks grassy.

Stroken is dead again!

2008-09-28T03:54:00.000-07:00

Farewell Bassman! We lost our Bassman. Thanks a lot ARMY! I wish him the best of luck. In the short time he was in the band, I witnessed him grow from a kid (I mean this in the coolest way possible) to a man. Kid joins band, kid gets married, Man has a beautiful baby girl, Man joins military, Man quits band. He will be missed.

I think this is good a time to take a long break. I will be focusing my energy on my brother's new band. I am looking for a bass player. Please send me a bio and a pint of your blood.

For the bored ear

2008-09-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

Here's a link that will take you to TRiP's music projects. http://hypster.com/profile/TRiP670-531412.html

I will follow you into the dark

2008-09-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

I love you.
I will sacrifice everything for you.
I hold you in my heart every day that i live.
I gave up everything.
I will stay strong when you feel weak.
You are the air that I breathe.
You are my foundation.
I am who I am because of you.
I am proud to call you mine.
You are still beautiful.
I will fight for you.
I will die for you.
You are my only home.

Prep for Suicide

2008-09-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

"I want to clean my mess of a room before I commit suicide. But I'm a huge procrastinator. And so the mess just keeps piling up."

I saw this on postsecret and thought it was poignant.
I am afraid of not doing something or not recognizing when someone wants to hurt themselves.
Perhaps that is why I am a recovering procrastinator.
It is hard...

Population Studies

2008-08-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

I wonder if there will be a statistically significant increase in the birth rate next year due to the power outages?

MEB

2008-08-20T20:27:00.001-07:00

I give up. I now surrender all my decision making to my new Magic 8 Ball! I guess I know what the legislature needs now. I am taking donations to raise funds in order to buy 19 MEBs. Please help!!!

Stroken is (NOT) dead!!! Part 2

2008-07-27T20:18:00.000-07:00

· We had a gig last night.
· A totally last minute gig and it felt like a “pack ‘n go”.
· It was for a farewell party a musician friend and his family had at their residence.
· I am unsure of the reason(s) why they are leaving and I do not want to assume that they are departing for the same reason(s) as everyone else.
· It seems like every week I am attending a farewell party.
· By the time November rolls in, there may only be 30 Chamorros left on Saipan.
· Anyhow, back to the gig.
· It was one of the top 5 best gigs I had experienced…ever.
· We played surprisingly tight and the crowd was surprisingly supportive.
· Other than our half a dozen loyal fans (which so happens to be family members), we played in front of a rare crowd of rockers!!!
· I was quite intimidated since 95% of all the musicians on Saipan were at the party.
· Had a bomb exploded, the music scene (if any) on Saipan would die a sudden, horrific death.
· It was pandemonium.
· We had a nano Woodstock at As Lito.
· There may have been 2-3 dozen musicians there, musical equipment spilling everywhere, Oh yeah, a lot of BEER!
· Just to name drop:
· Jerry Alcantara – present
· Boys from “The” Big Beats – present
· Rated R – present
· Project X – present
· Seven Side (Club V band) – present
· My guitar mentor Roger Cadua - present
· Well, I will hang on and enjoy every gig as if it were the last.
· Stroken may be temporary, life is transient, but Rock on (behold the power of cheese)!!!
· Oh yeah, I totally botched the intro to Iron Man!!! Uckfay!!!
· I blamed it on alcohol, CUC, and Sheila from the V.

Stroken is (NOT) dead!!!

2008-07-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

· Stroken is NOT dead! Not yet at least.
· As a contingency measure, I formed a new group called Broken.
· Broken is comprised of a guitar player, bass player, female vocalist, and a percussionist (me).
· We play a variety of the “same” song.
· We just started practicing.
· Practice is ALWAYS fun and productive. Hmm…right, practice sounds like practice.

Vitamin D

2008-06-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

· I over slept and blamed my human alarm clock for ruining a rare fishing opportunity last Saturday.
· Fortunately, the Captain was superstitious and insisted he personally pick me up at home.
· I was embarrassed for breaking the 5am pact I made the night before to meet at the Smiling Cove dock.
· Verbatim "We are meeting at 5 am? Hell yeah I'm there!"
· I blamed it on the N Rolling Rocks I had at Johnny’s.
· Had a Minnesota Vikings game been scheduled to air, I would have been up by 2:30 am.
· I am glad I still have my priorities in check.
· We set off around 7 am and carried on to a place the Captain called the “FAD”.
· I was disappointed to see a buoy.
· I anticipated seeing a bunch of Pokémon or even beanie babies at the “FAD”.
· But sure enough within minutes we managed to snag a 25lb Wahoo.
· Notice I said “we” and not “me”.
· A few minutes later the Captain decided to Jig and caught the first Wahoo’s identical sister.
· I only knew the Wahoo were female because of the distinct c-cup bikini tops they had on.
· Oh, the adrenaline rush.
· I was so amped I felt I could swim back to shore.
· I had an overwhelming feeling we were going to have a stellar day.
· The ocean was bluer than blue and the clouds looked like arrows pointing to all the hot spots.
· I started complaining why on God’s earth did we bring “only” 1 ice cooler.
· Then reality set in.
· For the next 9 hours……………………………………………………………………………………………………
………….........................................................……………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
……………………...............................................................……………………………………
………..........................................................................................................
Nothing!
· We went here, there, and everywhere…Nothing!
· We spotted a school of yellow fin…Nothing!
· We spotted birds swooping…Nothing!
· I did get a bad 3^rd degree sunburn that would make my Apache uncle proud.
· I guess the silver lining was that I had a lifetimes worth of vitamin D.
· I enjoyed every minute of it.
· The company was great.
· BTW, I had since replaced my human alarm clock with a real one.

The Day My Universe Died.

2008-06-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

She was not naive. She knew exactly what she was doing. Her design was crafty and detailed. Her plan was executed with accuracy and precision. Even the temperature was factored into her equation. I found an old, crumpled note on the dresser that read, “You are no match! You lost the minute the sperm hit the egg." I am unsure of the context.

WOW!

2008-06-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything in a while. Check out this link. Tell me what you think.

http://www.mvarietynews.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=934:letter-to-the-editor-its-time-to-play-out-the-guamanian&catid=5:letters-to-the-editor&Itemid=3

Signs, signs, everywhere signs...

2008-05-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is an actual screen shot of my desktop.
The signs are everywhere.
The number of the beast right next to "dasin" and directly below an icon of a sin tax spreadsheet.
If you are wondering what the "hell" dasin is, it is part of my email address.
I was about to make a phone call to a client as I noticed this strange combination.
Guess what? The phone number was ###-2046.
Figure it out.

Bell-shaped Curve

2008-05-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

When it comes to the “Green” movement, I belong to the group somewhere in the middle of the bell-shaped curve.
I am neither a standard deviation to the left nor a standard deviation to the right.
I don’t hug trees.
I don’t burn down forests.
I love trees, especially those that turn into killer coffee tables and bad ass, highly figured musical instruments.

The Resident Alien

2008-05-13T21:51:00.001-07:00

Adventure at the BMV

2008-05-12T23:17:00.001-07:00

Ideal World:

Recovering Procrastinator (RP/Happy Face) goes to BMV.
Pays $25 for renewal of expired (of course) car registration.
Receives new registration.
Leaves...

Real World:

RP goes to BMV.
Goes to cashier to pay fee.
No cashier.
Cashier apparently retired.
RP walks to courthouse to pay fee (that's right walks!!!).
Clears the security check point.
lines up for 20 minutes at the payment center only to find out they do not accept virtual money.
RP regrets walking to courthouse.
Walks back to BMV parking lot.
Opens car, but could barely open the door without causing severe damage to the car next to it.
Gets check book.
RP is now incoherent because of possible heat stroke.
RP hops into truck and drives to courthouse.
RP pays fee after lining up for 13 minutes 48 seconds.
Takes receipt back to BMV.
Lines up for 13 minutes and 7 seconds (Wow, I know).
RP receives documents.
RP replaces expired registration sticker simultaneously reciting expletives that would make Richard Pryor (RIP) proud.
RP is not a Happy Face anymore.
Proceeds to anger management class.

The End

Timing

2008-05-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

timing (noun)

A. The regulation of occurrence, pace, or coordination to achieve a desired effect (as in music, theater, athletics, mechanics).

B. Raising the utility rate by more than double just in time to seize the federal economic stimulus tax rebate.

Crooked Back

2008-04-22T20:58:00.001-07:00

Last week I was sitting adjacent to an elderly Japanese woman.
We did not share a word nor exchange a glance throughout the 3 odd hour flight from Osaka.
When we landed, I noticed she was struggling to get her bag down from the overhead compartment.
I would guess she was in her '80s but she could have been a super centenarian.
She had on a thatched hat wrapped with an animal print ribbon.
She was well dressed and had on heavy make-up.
Her sunglasses were dark and must have been more expensive than my itouch.
She looked frail and her back was extremely contorted.
I wondered how tall she was before the hunching of her back (kyphosis).
I gently tapped her shoulder to get her attention.
I offered to carry her bag and hand cart.
She quickly responded in Japanese followed by hand signals since I was clearly oblivious to what she had to say to me.
In a nut shell, she told me she could handle it, I guess.
What's the point? I had great admiration for this super centenarian because she displayed dignity most of us can learn from.
As we approached the aircraft's exit, she hopped onto a wheelchair and was carted off!

A Sign of the Times

2008-04-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

I am often tortured by the things I dwell about.
On occasion, the agony is alleviated by random, fleeting thoughts.
Today, I noticed that a coworker was wearing a crucifix pendant.
I thought to myself how funny it is that one of our most revered signs is a torture device.
A sign of Christianity and revered by 2.14 billion Christians +/- 140 million.
What if Christ was tortured by way of the iron maiden or executed via guillotine?
Can you imagine doing the sign of the iron maiden?

The Price of Procrastination

2008-04-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

USD$137

$75 for renewing passport
$60 Procrastination fee (expedite)
$38 and some cents multiplied by 2 for DHL courier service (added procrastination fee)

I am a recovering procrastinator.
I have been afflicted with this disease since I was a strand of DNA.
I always pay late fees.
I don't know why I wait until the 20ish to pay for my phone bill? Do I find it erotic rushing over to PTI to drop off a check into the drop box by 4:29 pm? (Note to self: The PTI Customer Service Rep said "Sir, just to be safe, pay your bill before the 14th of each month." He could have made my life simpler by just saying the 13th!!! Wait, I forgot to ask by what time?!?!
Do I simply put things off or do I find extreme pleasure in beating deadlines…or both? I guess I'll just wait and see.

boshotee

2008-03-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was surprised to see my son up before me. He was hunched over the sink, clutching a toothbrush and grappling with a tube of toothpaste. I had a smile, delighted that he displayed a lot of will and initiative for a three year old. I leaned over and gave him an encouraging pat on the back. Then I realized he was clutching a purple toothbrush. I was overcome with horror. A bead of sweat ran down my mug as I wondered, “How long has this child been using my toothbrush?".

Day 1

2008-03-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

It was my daughter's seventh birthday yesterday.
She wanted to have a quaint celebration at PIC.
She invited her close friends and relatives.
She stayed in the pool until she shriveled.
She looked a color I usually refer to as UV Purple.
We sang “Happy Birthday”.
She made a wish and blew out her candles.
Being the designated (albeit inept) photographer, I did not get an opportunity to catch a snapshot of her in the act of blowing out her candles.
I kindly asked her to pretend to blow the candles off so that I could capture a “faux” moment. However, as I expected, she gave me a blank stare, later transforming into a look of confusion, which eventually turned into a look of refusal.
Highlight of the day: Later that evening, we spent some time opening her gifts. Last in queue was the Nintendo DS Lite from her Mother (I did not realized that this gadget was meant to curb obesity). Her eyes lit up, her breathing became erratic from the excitement, and then out of nowhere she turned to me and said “Daddy! My wish came true!”. I asked “what was your wish?”. She replied “Nintendo Ds, duh”. Right then and there I quietly thought to myself, “thank goodness she did not wish for world peace or lower CUC rates, etc.”. No clichés with this little one.